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I remember when the twins were little and I had four kids 5 and under (twins, 2 yr old and 5yr old). I couldn't get anything done. I couldn't go many places without help. Even Costco was a real feat and its pretty much the only place I ever attempted to do and I still took my Mom. I rarely talked to friends, I never read books or watched t.v (unless I was nursing or pumping). My house was a mess, the laundry wasn't done, and I was rarely ever in anything but sweats. My days were spent nursing (with two babies it took a while), changing and feeding. There weren't any girls nights out, unless you count that me and the twins outnumbering Alan a girls night. Because we spent most of our evening walking the floors, the four of us, with crying-lots of crying. As the sun would go down dread would enter my body. Those long evenings with two fussy babies were hard, then when midnight hit and the girls often didn't sleep and I spent so many nights desperately tired. Feeding them and praying they would just stay asleep. Every morning when the sun rose I felt renewed. I could do it another day, I knew I could. Maybe today would be the day everything felt easier? And day by day it did get easier. Sometimes I have a bad day (like today) and life seems too busy and overwhelming( because with four kids it still is) and I think back to those days and I think how did I do that?
Well there were a few unsung hero's who carried me through this time.
A group of women in Lindsey Kindergarten class who heard I had twins, and did not know me, offered to drive Lindsey to and from school. I cry remembering that. A simple act of service for someone they did not know.
My mother. She listened to me when I needed a friend and a outlet. She cheered me on and she sympathized. We all were so grateful to get our babies here safely. She came over to give me naps and recognized I often needed companionship as much as sleep. So we talked instead of slept. She was ready to take me anywhere I needed. We loaded three car seats up several times and went to the doctor, Costco, getting my driver's license. I couldn't go anywhere quite yet without her help. She was there for me any time I needed her.
My Inlaws also came over and gave me naps and walked the floors with twins. The brought food. The offered date nights. Watching all four of my kids in those evenings was almost too much for them or anyone for that matter, with the twins fussing all the time. Not to mention, before the twins were born they lived in California. The pushed their retirement plans into fast forward and moved close to us.
Alan. He worked long hours and still walked the floors with me every night. I longed for weekends because he took the middle of the night feedings. It was amazing to get 5 hrs of sleep.
It's memories like this that make me realize anything worthwhile takes sacrifice. I never questioned or felt discouraged about my girls once they were here. The journey to get them here was so difficult I knew I could do anything after we made it through that.
Today I can read a book. Run an errand alone (when they are in preschool). I get dressed, I wear make up. I am involved in volunteering.
My house is still often messier than I want. I still never feel caught up and I still have those days were the girls cry way too much and I need a time out. But my good days outweigh my bad and it's better... it's much better.
