Weekend get away….

Things are still a little crazy.  We thought my mother in law was improving, and she was, but when she was moved to the rehab floor she hit a wall. Unfortunately it was determined that the infection in her brain was in another spot. Devastated is an understatement. She under went serious brain surgery last night. We are hoping they can find the bug through a culture and get a better idea of antibiotics to treat it.  It’s very difficult time.

 

Life goes on. Even in crisis it happens all around me. I am learning how to deal with this and still continue to live. At first I wasn’t doing so well (sometimes I still don’t) but its getting better. I am realizing I need to find a way to do all the normal stuff.

 

A month ago Alan and I ran off for a two day cruise to Mexico. For many reasons we almost didn’t go.  If only we had a crystal ball when we booked the trip.   Life was crazy and leaving was heart wrenching with his Mom in the ICU. Family picked up and took my kids and pushed us to go.  My sister in law Lisa took my twins and continued to be the support for my Mother in law (I owe them big time). My Mom and Sisters took Lindsey and Jacob and spoiled them rotten (thank you so much). My little sister even took on a dog (we are watching my mother in law’s dog). Even though the weather was cold the first days we had an amazing time.  I couldn’t believe how hard the stress had been on us until we spent the day on the boat.  Without cell phones or computers we were forced to let it go.. for real.  What a blessing this was.

 

I highly recommend couples get away. Alan and I really needed this time to reconnect and give our attention to each other.  I am so glad we went! 

 

In similar news…Six months ago we bought a girls cruise. A five day cruise. It was me, my two sisters, my Mom, my mother in law and my sister in law. It’s this weekend. For a while I figured we wouldn’t go. My heart is broken my mother in law can’t come.  It’s been decided we will go.  So this weekend I head off got 5 days without kids.  I am very happy to be able to go. I really need the break. I just really wish we were brining Jan.  You just never know what life if going to bring.  Thank you to my good friend Hillary who is watching my kids during the days (Alan has them after work). Without her we would not be going at all.

Dive in…

Last week at diving lessons. I got a surprise. We were getting ready for a big show. Which meant practice every day from 4-6pm and a full weekend of performing.

It took over our week and when it came time for the show its was awesome. Awesome to see Jacob feel like a star. Awesome so many family members came and made  him feel super special. There is nothing as important to me as a mother as watching my kids feel happy for being recognized.  So thank you to all the family he helped him feel that way!

7 man dive

There was some amazing diving going on.  It was fun and scary to see what these kids could do. 

The Tuck Diving team

Pre-school adventures….

I sent the girls off to preschool this week.  No tears or crying from any of us either…

 

They were only a little nervous.  They are going with 5 little girls their age from our neighborhood (here are two of them) its going to be a great year!

It’s 3 days a week for two hours. So we still have plenty of “togetherness”.

Hanging on...

I'm long over due on an update. Sorry. Life is crazy. I won't go into details but suffice it to say I have been feeling a little challenged.

Top five reasons why I know I haven't been functioning well...
1-The other night I was on the way to the hospital to stay with my mother in law. I pulled in to McDonalds to get a diet coke (a big one as it was a all nighter). I get on the freeway and arrive then taste it and its regular coke. Bleck. I can't drink that. So I had nothing. Come morning, imagine me a lot more tired and way more cranky. I drove home, the said non diet coke is in my car still from the night before. I actually drove to the McDonalds and balled them out and got a free diet coke. The look on the ladies face made me realize how crazy I was. Hanging my head in shame.
2- I tried to put the toaster away in the freezer and later my sister found rice in my fridge.
3-I got so tired after driving home the other day that when the twins fell asleep in the car I pulled in the garage and napped with them in the car for a good long time.
4- The twins who are usually well groomed, have looked quite a mess these days.
5-I actually told a stranger who told me about a croc sale, I hated crocs.

There's more but take it from me. You don't need to hear it. Ha ha.

I'll end with a few blessing and reasons why I am still sane today.

Great friends calling me and offering help.
Friends and family offering babysitting and babysitting when I have needed it.
Meals being delivered (totaling 5 now).
A full nights sleep as its been decided that staying nights wasn't helping my mother in law.
my sister, my mom, and my sister in law.
Answered prayers.

There's more. I have such a huge amount of gratitude for the many people who have been praying and offering service at this time. All of my blog friends too. It just makes me cry. Thank you thank you, all of you!

As this challenge is least about me (but this is my blog and I blog about me) and more about my mother in law so here is an update.

She is still in the ICU. We are on week 5 of this hospital stay but it's actually been two months since her initial problem. She seems to recovered from the surgery but progress is slow and she still has a lot of improvement to make. She had endured so very much and has a lot of fighting to still do. In this time I have learned so much more deeply how much I love her and appreciate her. It's been agony watching her suffer like this. She is a special woman.

Birthday Bliss

 

Back to school...

School started yesterday. Somehow life keeps going on no matter how crazy everything is. The kids were excited to begin a new school year. The homework, activities, and sports make me nervous to add to the already sinking ship.


In the way of an update on my mother in law,
The surgery went well. The surgeon felt he was able to remove some infection and clear things that were causing pressure. He was not able to do some things that are needed because the risk of infecting other areas of the brain is dangerous. So there are likely two more surgeries in her future. Goals now would be to wake up and recover from surgery, and then show signs of infection improving enough to allow the other surgeries. She has been slow to wake up and has been having trouble talking. I stayed the night with her last night and I cannot believe how hard this all is. There is no end in sight for her yet.

Happy 5th Birthday!

Dear Sydney and Hailey,
I believe in miracles because I begged God to allow you to live and come to our family safely and you did. It didn't seem possible or even likely.

As I watched you be born and heard your first weak cries. I knew I was experiencing a miracle, we all knew it. I watched the nurses and doctors attend to you carefully. I worried as a ventilator was needed to help you breath.
All I wanted was you to be born alive- to have you safe, yet my arms ached as stayed at the hospital small and weak for 29 days.

We celebrated as you came home pink and healthy to our home.
You have given me a gift. I will never be the same. I will never take any life for granted. Life is fragile. I love you so very much!


Happy Birthday my sweet little girls!

Hailey's top five at five.
1-Cow blanket (her comfort item)
2-Shows (All barbie movies)
3-barbies
4-Molly (the dog)
5-Getting pretty, especially nail polish!

Things she has learned to do this year...
1-Swim without floaties in the deep end.
2-Get dressed.
3-Dress barbies and dolls.
4-Do chores.
5- Write her name.

Sydney's top 5 at 5.
1-Barbies and dolls.
2-Watching shows.
3-Dresses.
4-flip flops.
5-pizza and waffles.

Thing Sydney can do at 5.
1-Swim without floaties all over the pool.
2-Ride a scooter.
3-Sing songs.
4-Get dressed.
5-Do chores.


No kindergarten till next year. Preschool starts in a week or so.

Today is a hard hard day for all of us. My mother in law had a terrible weekend and had a serious brain surgery to get more information this afternoon. The surgery was very stressful and went as well as we could hope. No resolution in site though. Just trying to get more information to fight the serious brain infection. We are still all struggling. School starts for the other kids tomorrow. We're just hanging on. Thank you for all your prayers and words of support they mean the world to all of us right now. We still need a miracle!

Hope…

Last week my mother in law was readmitted to the hospital. We weren’t sure what was going on but she was confused and falling and something was wrong.  I couldn’t believe we were going through all this again. Even worse I couldn’t believe she was going through it all again either.  She hadn’t been home long and her progress had been slow and disappointing for us all. She had never gotten better. So it shouldn’t have been a shock, but it was.  She is in the Neuro ICU at a much bigger and better hospital. She has a team of doctors working on her condition and we are offering a lot of prayers.  Prayers of comfort, prayers hoping that her infection will get better.  The infection in her brain was not under control.  She has a tube in her brain, draining fluid to release pressure, allowing the doctors to test samples to see how bad the infection is, allowing them to administer antibiotics directly into the brain. The doctors have told us this is serious and she is not out of the woods. This is tough.

Last Saturday was our NICU reunion.  Which happened to be at the hospital my mother in law is currently at.  So we headed up to celebrate our healthy girls.  That our twins, our miracles  are almost 5 yrs old. Miracles do happen, it did for us. I just need another one for my mother in law.

 

It had pony rides, movies, food, games, life flight, ambulances… over the top fun!  As a volunteer I helped with the whole thing, but not as much as I would have liked considering current events.  It was a great reminder that miracles happen and when you are in a dark place and can’t see the other side its still there. Hope.  Life is full of hope and that’s what that reunion was all about.

Just taking a moment to celebrate that my twins made it.  That they are healthy.  We were very blessed!  I am proud to be able to be part of such a great program of volunteers helping parents of preemies see the hope and the light on the other side of the darkness.